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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29213871">moral of the story</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/hyukjaei/pseuds/hyukjaei'>hyukjaei</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Aespa (Band), K-pop, Super Junior</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe, Angst, Domestic Violence, Drunk Sex, Falling In Love, Fluff, Gay Sex, Getting Together, Hurt/Comfort, Infidelity, Love at First Sight, M/M, Marriage, Smut, Songfic, Tattoos</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 06:41:25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>10,300</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29213871</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/hyukjaei/pseuds/hyukjaei</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>'They say it's better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all.'</p><p>Donghae thinks it's all a load of shit. Hyukjae was the best thing that has ever happened to him. He wishes, with all his heart, that he never fell in love with the man with the neck tattoo from across the bar.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Kim Jongwoon | Yesung/Lee Hyukjae | Eunhyuk, Lee Donghae/Lee Hyukjae | Eunhyuk</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>15</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>moral of the story</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>this songfic is heavily inspired by “moral of the story” by ashe</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Iris.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Donghae recognizes the flower in the vase. The breeze from the open window sways its blue petals gently, almost caressing it. It was a lovely day, the sun finally making its presence known after weeks of constant rain. The nice weather doesn't soothe the inner turmoil within him, though. Donghae doesn't know if it ever will after everything. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The door creaks open. He doesn't need to turn around to see the suited man enter the room, a stack of papers in his hands. He closes the door behind him and Donghae hears the click-clack of his leather Oxford shoes on the hardwood floor as he crosses the room. He sits on the office chair across from him, the large wooden desk separates them. The iris flower vase jostles slightly as he puts the papers down.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Sorry for the wait, Mr. Donghae."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Donghae tears his eyes away from the flower to meet his brown orbs. He offers him a genuine smile, the lines around his eyes making his face look kind. He forces himself to smile in return. He knows it doesn't reach his eyes like his does, but the other understands. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Are the papers ready?" His voice is hoarse, so he clears his throat. He refuses the bottle of water the suited man offers. "I'm alright, Mr. Sungmin. Thank you."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Yes. He has signed his part, we just need yours and it will be finalized," Sungmin says, his voice gentle. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He places the paper on the table in front of him. A black pen rests beside it. Donghae reaches out for the pen, and Sungmin pretends he doesn't notice the way his hand trembles. Sungmin has gone through this procedure countless times. He has sat in this chair and seen people from all walks of life sit in the seat across from him. Most bitter, angry at everything that had happened to put them in his office. Some cried, generously taking the tissues he offered them. It was rare to see anyone happy to be in that seat. They all, in some way or another, mimicked the way Mr. Donghae looked. He doesn't think any less of them.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Donghae doesn't sign the paper immediately. He looks at it, pen hovering above, and hesitates. He can feel his eyes sting once more as he reads the words, and sees the name and signature already jotted down. He tries his hardest to fight the feeling away but it consumes him faster than he could stop it. He drops the pen on the table and holds the wooden edge so tight his knuckles whiten.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He feels so small. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Mr. Donghae?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Donghae feels the tears wetting his cheeks. He wipes it away with the sleeves of his coat, but it's useless as more keep spilling down.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He feels so </span>
  <em>
    <span>broken</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"If you don't mind, Mr. Donghae, may I ask you a personal question?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Donghae takes a shaking breath and wills himself to meet his gaze. "Yes?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sungmin's eyes are sympathetic as he looks at the devastated man. "Why did you fall in love with him in the first place?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He feels a smile tug at the corner of his lips. A memory of the bar where it all started flashes in his mind at his question. Even after all these years, he still remembers the feeling of the vinyl seats under him as he sat with his friends, the taste of cheap alcohol on his tongue, and Leeteuk's boisterous laughter. Hyukjae was like a siren, the attraction was instant. 23-year-old Donghae couldn't help but fall into his trap.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His voice is steady as he replies. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Young people fall in love…," </span>
</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <span>Gulliver was their go-to spot for after-work drinks coupled with after work venting. If it wasn't Heechul complaining about the snooty clients he got at his salon, it would be Leeteuk going on and on about monetization for his YouTube channel. They would order too much soju to drink the frustration away, and the least sober would have to make sure they wouldn't get kicked out for being too loud. Donghae was used to it. No matter how old they got, his university friends would never outgrow their rowdy energy.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>That night, for whatever reason, he didn't feel like drowning his sorrows in alcohol. He was sober when he saw him across the room by the bar, in a pair of ripped jeans so tight it looked criminal. A black turtleneck covered his pale neck, but Donghae could see dark ink peeking underneath. He wondered how low that tattoo went, if he would shiver if Donghae touched it with his fingers.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Donghae took Ryeowook's bottle of soju and chugged the remaining alcohol. The younger was too out of it to even notice, head leaned back against the seat and eyes closed. He didn't want to do this tonight, not so soon after having his heart broken by the previous good looking man with a decent body. It was the reason they were even out on a Thursday night. His friends wanted to distract him from his recent break up with Siwon. He had met the gorgeous guy on Grindr a few months ago as his first gay experience. It was supposed to be a one night stand, but Donghae was a fool to think he could resist the man's charming smile. So they dated. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>At least they were until Siwon dumped him on Monday, citing his increased workload at his dad's company as the reason. To add insult to injury, it was through a </span>
  <em>
    <span>phone call.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>"You deserve better than me</span>
  </em>
  <span>," Siwon genuinely sounded guilty at least. It soothed his aching heart a little. "</span>
  <em>
    <span>I hope you find someone who can love you fully, Hae. Take care."</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>So he sat on that vinyl couch with his drunk friends and tried his best to ignore the man with tattoos on his neck.</span>
</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <span>Donghae should've known fate was never in his favour. Right as he stepped into the salon on Friday evening and recognized the all too familiar man in Heechul's chair, he nearly dropped the paper bags full of McDonald's in shock. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Hae, finally! I've been waiting for so long I thought I was gonna die from starvation," Heechul exclaimed exaggeratedly as he placed the hairspray down. He fixed a stray piece of hair by his client's sideburn. "You're good to go, Eunhyuk."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Donghae wasn't ready for the smile Eunhyuk threw at the stylist. It was all toothy and childlike, his prominent gums making it all the more endearing. He had cute smile lines at the corner of his almond eyes. Those brown eyes moved to look at him and Donghae felt his brain short circuit. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Your friend, Heechul?" Eunhyuk asked as Heechul took off his apron. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Donghae didn't know it was possible to be attracted to a voice, but Eunhyuk's was like a drug. He wanted to keep hearing it, possibly forever even. He cleared his throat and dropped their lunch on an unoccupied table. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Hi, I'm Lee Donghae," he said followed by a courteous bow. Eunhyuk got off the salon chair and reciprocated. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Nice to meet you, Donghae. I'm Lee Eunhyuk."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He was dressed in a simple black collared shirt and black slacks. He was close enough to the other that he couldn't miss the makeup on his neck concealing his tattoo, likely Heechul's work.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Said man dug into the paper bag and pulled out his burger. He introduced the two men to each other. Donghae learned Eunhyuk was a choreographer and occasional backup dancer under SM Entertainment. He then filled in Eunhyuk on their relationship as university friends. Donghae in turn informed him of his job as a kindergarten teacher. Eunhyuk raised an eyebrow at that.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Kindergarten? You must be great with kids, then."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Donghae laughed shyly. "I adore kids. Can't wait to have them one day."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Cute," Eunhyuk said. Donghae felt his cheeks blush at the reply. Heechul ate his burger, pointedly ignoring the pair's conversation until Eunhyuk made his exit once his manager arrived to pick him up. He threw a knowing look at his friend once they were alone.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"What?" Donghae said as he took his burger and fries.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Heechul huffed. "You like Eunhyuk, huh?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Donghae took a bite of the Big Mac. "Maybe. He's pretty hot."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His friend guffawed and slapped Donghae's thigh. "Typical you, planning your family with every attractive guy you see."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They ate their meal and the conversation steered to other topics. Donghae talked about the kids at work and Heechul, in turn, updated him on the projects he'd been assigned to. Apparently, he had been scouted by SM Entertainment to be their in-house stylist, promising a much more stable income and exposure to the industry. Donghae felt proud of his friend. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"You know, I could hook you up with Eunhyuk," Heechul said as they were cleaning up their mess. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Donghae almost choked on his cola. "What?! How?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I'll invite him to drink with us at Gulliver. How does tomorrow sound?"</span>
</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <span>In away, Donghae could blame Heechul for it all. Because without his help, Donghae thought he would've never had the courage to ask Eunhyuk out himself.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The man accepted Heechul's invitation, and on a chilly Saturday night, Donghae found himself sitting alone at their usual spot at Gulliver. He was nursing his second bottle of soju as he angrily stared at his phone. He was tempted to throw it away as he read the messages in their group chat.</span>
</p><p> </p><p><b><em>0hae</em></b><em><span>: where the FUCK are you guys?!<br/>
</span></em><b><em>heenim</em></b><em><span>: hehe<br/>
</span></em><b><em>shimkoong</em></b> <b><em>appa</em></b><em><span>: I'm sorry Hae. It was all Heechul's idea. <br/>
</span></em><b><em>ryeonggu</em></b><em><span>: good luck with the man candy </span></em></p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Good evening," a voice interrupted his glowering. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Donghae whipped his head up to look at the man of his affections. Eunhyuk was once again dressed to impress. He wore a denim jacket with a black v-neck underneath, a different pair of jeans on his long skinny legs. The shirt exposed the tattoo on his neck. For the first time, Donghae could finally decipher the ink. It was a photorealistic diamond, right under his chin big enough to cover his Adam's apple with the bottom tip ending between his clavicle. It was a gorgeous piece of art.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Donghae blamed the second bottle of soju for what he said next. "Your tattoo is pretty."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Eunhyuk slid into the booth seat next to him. He chuckled. "Thanks. I think you've had too much to drink."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Donghae assured him he was fine as he waved for the waitress. He ordered another bottle and Hyukjae asked for a beer and fried chicken to share. They chit chat about work and life while waiting for the food to arrive. Donghae learned he was also 23-years-old, and that he was nearly 7 months younger than the other. Eunhyuk launched into a story about his current choreography project with an upcoming idol group his company was gearing up to debut, but Donghae was honestly having a hard time keeping up. The only thing his mind wanted to focus on was Eunhyuk's plump lips as he talked and the diamond tattoo on the pale skin of his neck. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The waitress dropped by to hand their chicken and drinks. They ate and talked comfortably in each other's presence. Donghae felt the alcohol loosening his usually shy demeanour. He flirted with the man, hitting his shoulder and chest every time Eunhyuk cracked a joke. He leaned in closer than usual whenever Eunhyuk told a story, batting his eyelashes at him like a schoolgirl. The chicken was gone quicker than he realized, his third bottle of soju not far off. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Donghae was a lightweight. Two bottles were usually enough to render him useless. After Eunhyuk paid their tab and he stood up for the first time since arriving, he felt the ground sway beneath him. If Eunhyuk wasn't quick enough to catch him, he would've been sprawled on the floor. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Yep, definitely too much to drink. You're drunk," Eunhyuk said as he wrapped an arm around his waist to support his legs.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Donghae giggled drunkenly. "Am not."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"You're not going home alone like this. Come, I'll drive you back."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He felt himself being guided out of Gulliver and into the chilly midnight air. He vaguely remembered being put into the passenger seat of a car and the scent of Eunhyuk's shampoo as he leaned over the drunk man to buckle his seatbelt. Eunhyuk asked him something, but his mind couldn't put the words together coherently enough to form a sentence. The car started moving. The younger man suddenly missed the feeling of Eunhyuk's skin, so he laid a hand on the other's lap as he drove.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>That was the last thing Donghae remembered of that night.</span>
</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <span>Donghae woke up to a familiar alarm. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He struggled to open his eyes, the ache in his head pounding the shit out of his skull. He reached an arm out to search for his phone blindly. His fingertips graze the device and he immediately tapped the screen to turn off the offending noise. He groaned loudly at the pain. His head felt like a ticking time bomb about to explode.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I'm never drinking again</span>
  </em>
  <span>, he promised to himself.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He was about to fall back asleep when something shifted next to him. His brain took a few seconds to remind himself he lived alone and had no pets, so there was absolutely no reason something should move next to him on his own bed. Donghae's eyes flew open at the realization. He sat up instantly, and immediately regretted the sudden action when he saw stars. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"What time is it?" A groggy deep voice that wasn't his own spoke up next to him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Donghae rubbed his eyes and willed himself to look beside him. Right there, on his bed, under his blanket, was Eunhyuk. The blanket came up to his torso, right under his exposed nipples. He was naked.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Donghae looked down at himself. He was naked too. He suddenly remembered he doesn't own a blanket in this shade of grey. This wasn't his bed.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Shit.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"What the fuck happened last night?" Donghae asked, his voice hoarse. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Eunhyuk rolled over onto his side and opened his eyes. "Do you want the longer version or the short version?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Short."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"You got drunk, wouldn't tell me where you lived so we came back to my place and sucked each other's dicks."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Donghae groaned and flopped back onto the bed. "Fuck me."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Is that an invitation?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Eunhyuk's eyes were smouldering when he turned his head to meet it. He moved to hover above Donghae and propped himself up on one elbow. With the absence of alcohol in his system, so did his courage from last night. He gulped as Hyukjae smirked above him. Something poked his thigh as Hyukjae leaned in closer. Donghae blushed madly when he realized what it was.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Oh, </span>
  <em>
    <span>now</span>
  </em>
  <span> you're shy, huh?" Eunhyuk whispered, voice low and sultry. Donghae's dick twitched at the sound. "Even after I fucked those pretty lips of yours all night?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Donghae couldn't take it anymore. He pushed his head up and took Eunhyuk's lips in his. He dragged the other down with him as they kissed. It didn't take long for Eunhyuk's tongue to enter his mouth and explore every crevice. Donghae's mind doesn't remember, but his body was familiar with this sensation. He guessed they had made out plentily the night before.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Eunhyuk sneaked a hand in between their bodies. He fondled his crotch above the blanket. Donghae moaned into the kiss at the sensation. It had been a few weeks since someone else touched him there. He broke the kiss and threw his head back into the pillow when Eunhyuk snaked his hand under the blanket to touch him without any barrier.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He jerked the other off slowly, took his sweet time to properly debauch the younger man beneath him. Donghae's moans bounced off the walls of his bedroom, getting more high pitched as Eunhyuk's wrist picked up speed. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Do you want to bottom?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Donghae gathered his wits enough to nod. He felt the blanket being ripped away from their bodies as Eunhyuk sat up on his knees. He slung an arm over his eyes shyly as his naked body lay exposed in all its glory for Eunhyuk to see. He heard a bedside drawer open and close followed by a bottle cap popping open. It wasn't long before a wet, lubed finger touched him at his most intimate spot, rubbed gently on his rim before breaching it with a single digit. He had his fair share of experience bottoming before so the sensation wasn't foreign, but Eunhyuk's fingers were slim but long. It reached deep within him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>One finger turned to two, then three, and by the time Donghae's bucking his hips trying to suck all four fingers in deeper Eunhyuk pulled out and rolled a condom onto his aching dick before slathering it with more lube. Donghae felt hands hold his legs up from under his knees as Eunhyuk positioned himself between his open legs. He felt the head of his cock poke his hole before it slowly slid in, filling him up better than any finger could. Eunhyuk doesn't stop to let him accommodate. He kept going until he's buried to the hilt, their hips touching. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sex with Eunhyuk was something new. Donghae only ever had gentle partners. If he was on the receiving end, they would make sure to go slow as to not cause him any pain. Even when he topped he would do the same, as it was the polite thing to do. But Eunhyuk wasn't afraid to fuck him into the bedsheets, his thrusts fervent and deep. He bent Donghae in half as he picked up speed, lips coming down to devour Donghae's like it would be his last. The younger man could only accept his fate as he moaned and screamed from the rough treatment of his top. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Eunhyuk, Eunhyuk, Eunhyuk!" Donghae chanted as he's fucked into ruthlessly. His brain had no thoughts except for the gorgeous man above him giving his all.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Eunhyuk's lips tickled his ear as he whispered, "Call me Hyukjae, Hae."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It didn't take long for his orgasm to reach, and when he slipped a hand between them to pump his neglected cock he only needed a few seconds before screaming Hyukjae's name and spurted cum onto his own belly. Hyukjae fucked him through it, and a minute later his rhythm faltered and he climaxed into the condom deep within the man beneath him. They stayed close as they caught their breath. Donghae moaned one last time as Hyukjae pulled out and discarded the used condom into a waste bin by the bed. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He was still in his orgasmic high as Hyukjae crawled back into bed and pulled him close for a snuggle. Donghae rested his head on his broad chest as Hyukjae propped himself up on the headboard. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Hyukjae, huh?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hyukjae hummed. "That's my real name."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Well, </span>
  <em>
    <span>Hyukjae</span>
  </em>
  <span>," Donghae liked the name better than his stage name. "If you'd like me to stay, you're gonna have to keep fucking me like that."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And Hyukjae did. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Donghae left the man's house that Sunday morning feeling utterly debauched. They had exchanged phone numbers, and throughout the week they were texting each other nonstop. Sometimes sexual; it made Donghae blush beet red when he read how much Hyukjae missed fucking his pretty lips, so much that his students had asked him if he was getting sick. Sometimes sweet; Hyukjae had his way with words that made the romantic in Donghae melt. Most of the time friendly; they learned more about each other as the week progressed. More personal things like family, ambitions, dreams. Donghae felt comfortable telling him of his life plans, of getting married and adopting kids one day if his spouse happened to be a man. Hyukjae listened attentively like a gentleman.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They met up again on Friday night, at the same bar. They drank, danced, and ended the night once again in Hyukjae's apartment ravishing each other. Donghae had asked to top this time and Hyukjae had no qualms. He found that he rather liked biting Hyukjae's tattoo as he fucked him into the sofa, in their rush to undress each other they didn't make it to the bed in time.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was a cycle. They'd fuck each other on the weekend, go back to their daily job on the weekday, before falling into each other all over again when the weekend hit. Rinse and repeat. The sex was good. Who was he kidding? It was </span>
  <em>
    <span>incredible</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>So Donghae stayed.</span>
</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <span>By the end of the month, Donghae realized that he hadn't opened Grindr in a long time. Spending time with Hyukjae was more than enough to satisfy his needs. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hyukjae was magnetic. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was the only way Donghae could describe him. Even through the crowded bar and his friend's loud drunken chatter, Donghae still noticed his presence from meters away the first time he saw him at Gulliver. When he had to leave his apartment on Sunday mornings, it took every will in him to do so. He didn't want to leave Hyukjae's electrifying touch and honeyed eyes. When he came home after an exhausting day at work, Donghae noticed his heart ached at the emptiness of his apartment. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was at that moment Donghae realized he was in love with Hyukjae.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>So when they met on Friday night again for the 4th time at Gulliver, Donghae confessed.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I think I love you."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The hand that was bringing the beer can up to Hyukjae's lips paused. He placed the can back on the table. The silence stretched for a minute, and Donghae thought he had made a grave mistake when Hyukjae swooped down to kiss his downturned lips. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I know, idiot. I love you too."</span>
</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <span>It only took another month for Donghae to move into Hyukjae's apartment. It had to be Hyukjae's because it was nicer, with better security, and most importantly, paid for by his company. His manager had been surprised when Hyukjae told them about their relationship.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"You managed to reign in the playboy Eunhyuk? You must be something else," Junghoon had remarked to Donghae as they were moving his stuff in boxes into Hyukjae's apartment.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Yah, I'm not a playboy," Hyukjae had said as he kissed Donghae's forehead. "Don't listen to him, baby."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Donghae had smiled at the gesture. He was so in love with the dancer that he didn't register what the older man said. Even when Heechul brought it up while he sat in the salon chair getting his hair bleached, Donghae had dismissed his concerns.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"You know, Hae. I've heard a lot of rumours about Eunhyuk."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"They're just rumours. I know Hyukjae, hyung."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Heechul sighed. "I just worry about you--"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I know, but he loves me. We'll be fine," Donghae had interrupted him. His friend noticed the look on his face, one that screamed he wanted him to drop the topic. Out of love for his friend, he does.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When Hyukjae saw the blonde on him when he came back to their apartment that night, he tsked and looked back at the television.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"You look weird."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Donghae touched the light strands self-consciously. "Weird?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"It doesn't suit you."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And Donghae, out of love for his boyfriend, coloured his hair back to black with store-bought dye in the guest bathroom the next day. He was sad, he had wanted to try out being blonde for a while, but the smile that Hyukjae flashed him when he saw his dark hair made him feel instantly better. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He realized he would do anything to constantly be the reason for that addicting smile.</span>
</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <span>Donghae proposed when they were 25. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His family had advised it was too soon. </span>
  <em>
    <span>"You've only dated him for two years,"</span>
  </em>
  <span> Donghwa had said in concern. </span>
  <em>
    <span>"We don't want you to have regrets, sweetie,"</span>
  </em>
  <span> his mother followed suit. They didn't understand what they were to each other. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hyukjae was the moon to his sun. He lit up his darkest nights, like a streetlight during a midnight hail. Hyukjae's laugh could grow daisies in his belly. He needed him, </span>
  <em>
    <span>craved</span>
  </em>
  <span> him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>There was nothing Donghae wouldn't do for him. When Hyukjae told him he looked better with curly hair, he got a perm. When Hyukjae said he didn't like the colour yellow on him, he threw every single article of clothing that he owned in that shade in the trash, including the beloved yellow scarf his mother had gifted him when he moved away from Mokpo. On the days when Hyukjae came back from work angry, Donghae would cook him dinner and let him have his way in bed. There were worse days, like when Hyukjae broke the bathroom mirror with his fist because Donghae said the wrong thing. But he accepted it was his fault for riling the other man up.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But when Hyukjae accepted his proposal, and they slipped the simple diamond ring on each other's fingers by the Han River, Donghae didn’t remember any of the bad days. He only saw their future together. A bright one, with a nursery and a baby in their arms. He wanted it so badly.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The wedding happened on the month Hyukjae turned 26. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They chose April for the cherry blossoms. Donghae remembered a petal falling onto his hair as they stood under the massive tree, the officiant by their side as they faced each other. Hyukjae looked breathtaking in his black suit. Even though Donghae wore a matching set, he felt like he stood no chance against his soon-to-be-husband. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When the officiant granted them to kiss for the first time as a married couple, Hyukjae swiped the flower off his hair before leaning in. The audience cheered as they kissed, but Donghae could only focus on the love of his life in his arms and the taste of his lip balm. They break apart but hold each other close as they face their family and friends. There were tears in his dear mother's eyes in the front row. Hyukjae's parents hugged him tightly as they welcomed him to the family. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The day flew by so quickly. They ate, they danced and countless family members wished them a long, happy marriage. Once the party died down and they were back in the Airbnb with their closest friends to get drunk together, Donghae still couldn't believe he was married to his best friend. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Let me take a photo of the newlyweds," Ryeowook had said as he took out his polaroid camera.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hyukjae shuffled closer to him and rested his arms on the table. He made a V sign with his thumb and forefinger and placed it under his chin. His shoulders and biceps were exposed after he exchanged their stuffy wedding suits to just the black tank top he wore underneath. Tipsy Donghae couldn't resist the display of skin in front of him. He bent down to kiss the pale skin of his shoulder right as the camera flashed. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ryeowook took the polaroid photo that came out and shook it in the air. He handed it to Donghae and the groom smiled at how cute they looked. He grabbed his phone off the table amidst the cans of beer and slipped the polaroid under the transparent back cover. Hyukjae's smiling face would follow him wherever his phone went.</span>
</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <span>Married life wasn't much different from how they were before. They still went out to Gulliver for drinks once a week, Hyukjae still came back home at night to Donghae's sweet smile, Donghae still spent his weekdays at the kindergarten. The kids asked why he wore two rings instead of one like before. Donghae had to explain that since he was married now, he needed to wear another one alongside his engagement ring to show everyone he was someone's husband.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Teacher Lee, why did you marry your husband?" A 4-year-old student of his asked as he helped her wash her hands after lunch one day.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Donghae smiled. "Because I love him, Karina."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She pulled her wet hands away from his and dragged his sweater sleeves up, revealing the bruises around his wrists. "Then why did he do this to you?" she asked him innocently.</span>
</p><p> </p><p><span>Her teacher pulled away from her like lightning. He immediately covered back up the deep purple bruises with the sleeves. Karina's eyes were big and inquisitive as she looked up at him. One thing Donghae learned from all the years he worked with kids was they were naturally curious and way more perceptive than given credit for.</span> <span>He sighed and bent his knees to squat down to her height. </span></p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"It was an accident, sweetie. He loves me very much. Now go clean up your table."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Karina put on a thinking face for a few seconds then nodded. She skipped back to her friends and he watched her retreating figure. Donghae looked down at his sleeve covered wrist. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They had another fight the night before. It wasn't even over anything big, he had disagreed with the colour Hyukjae wanted to paint their living room in the new house they were moving into soon. One thing led to another, and before he knew it they were shouting at each other. He was about to leave the bedroom to calm down when Hyukjae wrapped his fingers around his wrist to prevent him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Hyukkie, it hurts," Donghae whimpered in pain at the tight hold. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"How many times do I have to tell you to not talk back to me?" </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Donghae cowered under his glare. He kept his eyes down on the floor as Hyukjae pulled his body closer. Tears were stinging his eyes as his husband tipped his chin up to look at his face. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"There you go again. Fucking crybaby," Hyukjae spat the word out like poison. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He was shivering when his husband let him go. Donghae didn't move as he heard him grab his coat and stomp out of the master bedroom. He jumped in surprise as the front door slammed close. His legs gave way and he slid down onto the floor, tears running down his cheeks as he sobbed. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Love could make people do illogical things. Donghae knew his husband never meant the things he said in the heat of the moment. Hyukjae was hot-headed and impulsive, he, in turn, was sensitive and soft. Too delicate, took things to heart too easily, stupid, thoughtless, inconsiderate. It was all his fault.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He cried until he felt like he could vomit. But he stood up nevertheless, and made his way to the kitchen for a glass of water and washed the snot off his face. Call him stubborn, but there was nothing in the world that would stop Donghae from waiting for his husband to come back home. He sat on their couch and stared at the clock on the wall tick by. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>11pm, 12am, 1am, 2am.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He fell asleep right before the clock hand struck three. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Donghae woke up to Hyukjae's head in his lap. He smiled and patted the sleep mussed hair, fingers gently threading through the soft curls. It had been a while since they were like this. His husband had been spending long nights at the dance studio recently. He said it was because he needed to help Yesung, the new soloist debuting under SM Entertainment, with his choreography. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>"He's a horrible dancer,"</span>
  </em>
  <span> Hyukjae explained. </span>
  <em>
    <span>"Like a horse on ice. If it wasn't for his voice, I don't think SM would've considered him."  </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Donghae was busy in his thoughts to notice Hyukjae stirring awake. His almond eyes opened, the morning sun shining through the living room curtains illuminating his brown orbs. Hyukjae touched his chin to get his attention. The married couple shared a comfortable silence as they held each other.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I'm sorry," Hyukjae whispered, afraid to disrupt the delicate atmosphere.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Donghae shook his head. "Don't be. I love you." When will Hyukjae realize that he could do no wrong? If there was a person to blame, it was Donghae for adding oil to the flame. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The love he had for Hyukjae was blinding. Even with the purple bruises on his wrist so prominent against his pale skin, he didn’t acknowledge the pain; he couldn’t see himself blame his beloved husband for anything.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When Hyukjae got off his lap and kissed him, he felt nothing but joy, happy that his husband came back home to his arms, and always did, no matter how big their fights got. When Hyukjae deepened the kiss, pushed him down onto the sofa, and pulled down his pants to stroke his hardening length, he surrendered to him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They made love on the soft cushions. The morning sun like a spotlight on their writhing joined bodies. As Donghae wrapped himself around his husband who set a languid pace while thrusting into him, he noticed a small red bruise on his neck, near the diamond tattoo. He did not remember giving Hyukjae a hickey recently. A particularly hard thrust straight to his prostate jolted him and sent shivers down his body. The thought escaped him as Donghae moaned his husband's name into the air like a prayer. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They climaxed at the same time, Hyukjae holding him so tenderly. They kiss before falling asleep on the sofa once more, work be damned.</span>
</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <span>Leeteuk dropped by his school three months after the wedding. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Donghae was startled from grading his papers by a knock on the door. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Hello, is this teacher Lee's classroom?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Leeteuk grinned at him as he walked into the room. The older man was dressed in a plain white shirt and sweatpants. Two Starbucks cups in his hands instantly lifted Donghae's mood. He dropped the pen and made grabby hands in the air at Leeteuk to pass him an iced coffee. His smile was bright as Leeteuk placed one on his desk and dragged a nearby chair to sit on. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"What's the occasion?" Donghae asked in between sips of his coffee. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Nothing, just wanted to see my best friend. You've been so busy since the wedding. How's married life?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Leeteuk doesn't miss the way Donghae avoided his eyes. The younger man cleared his throat and adjusted the sleeves of his blue sweater. "It's been good, hyung."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was mid-summer and hot as balls outside. Leeteuk's eyebrows furrowed at the thick long sleeve sweater his friend chose to wear for the day. "Aren't you hot wearing that?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"H-huh? What? No, I'm fine."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Leeteuk knew something was off. Donghae had always been a terrible liar. He knew since university days when he witnessed his friend try to cover up his unfinished homework by saying he flushed it. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Donghae…"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I said I'm </span>
  <em>
    <span>fine!"</span>
  </em>
  
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The younger man's outburst surprised both of them. Donghae held his chest and felt his heart beating rapidly. He took another sip of the coffee. "I'm sorry. I'm okay, hyung. Really."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He wasn't ready for Leeteuk's next move. His friend stood up and leaned over to pull his right sleeve up to his elbows. The gasp Leeteuk let out was loud as he took in the sight of his battered arm. The bruises started from his wrists and continued up past the edge of the sleeve. Leeteuk's not sure if there were more above his elbows, covered by his clothes. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Hae…" Leeteuk's voice was small. "What… who…?"</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Donghae pulled his arm away from his hold. An unreadable mask on his face as he stood up and gathered his belongings. "It's none of your business, Leeteuk." </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His friend had never heard Donghae's voice so void of emotion. He watched helplessly as Donghae shoved the stacks of paper he was grading into a folder. He picked up his sling bag and rushed out of the classroom. Leeteuk followed him out. "Donghae--"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I need time, Leeteuk," the younger man turned around to face him. The mask was slipping. He could see his eyes were glassy as he continued. "Hyung, I beg of you."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Leeteuk felt his own eyes water as he hesitantly offered a hand out, palm up. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I'm here, Hae. We all are. Please tell me if something--," he hesitated. "My house is a safe space."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Donghae stared at the offered hand solemnly. At that moment, he only saw Leeteuk's kindness as an intrusion. Their marriage was fine, it truly was. Hyukjae just held him too tight whenever he had wanted to run away during fights. They were becoming more common occurrences, but arguments were a part of marriage. Everyone had them.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>So Donghae turned his back to his friend and walked away. He missed the tears Leeteuk cried for him as he ran back home to the love of his life.</span>
</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <span>The dinner was turning cold as Donghae sat at their new dining table. They had finally moved into the new house, a much more expensive 3-bedroom condominium overlooking the Han River. Hyukjae's career as a choreographer took off like a rocket and he had been working with big names in his company for the past year. Hence, he had been staying back at work even more than before. Donghae checked his watch at the hand ticking closer to 11 pm. This marked the 6th time in a row his husband wasn't coming back home for dinner. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Maybe it was the frustration, or that he's much older than when Hyukjae used to pull this stunt, but he stood up and opened the cabinets to find their stored Tupperware containers. He packed the home-cooked food up and went to grab a coat in the master bedroom. He picked up the thick black one that Hyukjae usually wore and slipped it on. The smell of cologne was prominent on it, but Donghae didn't recognize the scent as one of their own. He shrugged and made his way to the front door to put his sneakers on. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Maybe Hyukjae bought a new cologne.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span> He left to visit his husband at his office.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The drive to the dance studio was quiet, the radio off. Hyukjae had bought the studio when he turned 28 a couple of months ago. He had wanted a space outside of the company headquarters to do his work and expand his creativity. Donghae had bought him a fridge as an office warming gift. He smiled at the memory of Hyukjae's grateful hug, the feeling of being wrapped in his husband's arms was one of life's greatest gifts.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He parked the car in an empty spot next to Hyukjae's red coupe. As he was grabbing the food from the backseat, he noticed a black BMW on the other side of Hyukjae's car. He didn't recognize the license plate as any of his husband's close friends or managers. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Donghae unlocked the front door via the pin code that he knew. The studio was quiet with no lights on except for one bulb in the small kitchen illuminating the still room. He could hear sneakers squeaking on the hardwood floor in the dance studio at the far end of the room. Donghae placed the food on the island counter in the kitchen before making his way to the closed door. There was a rectangular window pane on the top half of the black door so anyone could see the inside of the studio from the other side. Donghae placed a hand on the doorknob and peered inside.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He could see his husband watching another man with black hair dancing intently. Hyukjae was wearing his favourite black tank top and grey sweatpants, a backward cap on his blonde head. The stranger was in a long sweater and basketball shorts. Donghae didn't know much about dancing, but even he knew the man was struggling to keep up with the choreography. He suddenly remembered Hyukjae telling him about the soloist in his company who couldn't dance for shit. </span>
  <em>
    <span>What was his name again?</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Donghae's mind was trying to recall the name when the music suddenly stopped. He looked inside to see Hyukjae clapping, his smile wide enough to reveal his endearing gums. The pair exchange a few words that Donghae couldn't pick up. The stranger laid a hand on his husband's shoulder and Hyukjae in turn placed his hands on the other's waist.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Wait</span>
  </em>
  <span>, Donghae thought.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hyukjae stepped closer to the black-haired man until they were flushed together. From Donghae's position, their faces were facing away from him, but with the way the other weaved his fingers into Hyukjae's blonde hair, there was no doubt what he was seeing.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They were kissing.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Donghae felt something heavy drop in his stomach. His hand let go of the doorknob as if it burnt him. His throat constricted as he struggled to breathe, his mind going a mile a minute.</span>
</p><p> </p><p><em><span>What?</span></em> <em><span>Why would...</span></em></p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And then, it was like a train hitting him dead on. The red marks on Hyukjae's tattooed neck, the long nights at work, the fucking unfamiliar cologne on the jacket he was currently wearing. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Donghae ran out of the studio with hot tears clouding his vision. He shed the offending coat off his body and threw it on the kitchen counter beside the food before getting into his car. He sobbed as he drove down the empty midnight streets. He barely missed a red light, foot crashing down on the breaks and the car screeched to a stop. He dropped his head on the steering wheel, his lungs struggling to get air as he cried and cried and cried. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Leeteuk woke up to someone frantically ringing his doorbell. He wrapped himself in his white robe and groggily opened his front door. The surprise on his face was palpable as he took in the sight of his best friend, cheeks wet from the tears and shivering in the chilly night air in just a thin long-sleeved shirt.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Hae?" Leeteuk inquired softly, afraid to spook the younger. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Donghae's voice was so low he almost missed it. "He's cheating on me." </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Oh, honey."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Donghae spent the rest of the night in Leeteuk's living room in his arms, sobs wracking through his body as he screamed into the older man's chest. Leeteuk held him through it all, patted his hair, and wiped his nose as he broke down. Shimkoong sat close to the pair on the sofa. Even she could sense the devastation Donghae was feeling. He heard his phone's notification jingle go off, and he recognized the tune as Hyukjae's special ringtone. Leeteuk stretched an arm out and muted his phone so he could cry in peace.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The next morning, Heechul and Ryeowok arrived to visit. Donghae didn't even realize he had been crying the entire night until another pair of hands came up to touch his cheeks tenderly. Through the haziness, he saw Heechul's concerned eyes staring at him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Come, hyung, you have to drink something."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Another person pulled him away from Leeteuk. Ryeowook supported his weight as Heechul tipped a cup of warm tea towards his lips. He drank slowly until the tea was almost gone, then pushed the cup away. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His friends stayed by his side as he explained to them what happened. He went further than just the previous night. He confessed about the fights, the bruises, and his debilitating addiction to cater to every one of Hyukjae's needs. Donghae started sobbing once more as he explained how much he loved his husband, with the entirety of his broken heart. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Leeteuk, Heechul, and Ryeowook listened in sympathy as he poured his heart out. It was terrifying, to be so raw and real as he exposed his marriage to the three of them. He had told no one about his struggles, not even his family. He had been so scared. But then he remembered how he felt to see his husband kissing that stranger, and it fueled the anger in the pit of his stomach. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I gave him my best," Donghae whispered between his tears. "For 5 years, I only gave him, our </span>
  <em>
    <span>marriage</span>
  </em>
  <span>, my very best. I don't understand why he would--,"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A sob ripped through his throat before he could finish his sentence. Ryeowook held him close as he wiped his tears with a tissue. Heechul sighed deeply and took his trembling hands into his own. "Donghae, look at me."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It took everything in him to open his eyes and meet the older man's gaze.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"You didn't </span>
  <em>
    <span>give</span>
  </em>
  <span> him shit. You hear me?" Heechul's voice was firm. "He took nothing from you. You didn't lose anything, you're not any lesser than you were before you met him. Everything you did, everything you've done, you did out of love. What has he done in this marriage?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"He loved me," Donghae retaliated. "He brought out the best in me."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"You were still the best of you before him, don't you understand, Hae?" Leeteuk spoke up beside him, his eyebrows furrowed. "The best of you has been in there all along, and it will stay there even after you find someone else who will appreciate it better than that sack of shit."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Donghae sat silently as he listened to their words. He noticed his phone on the coffee table and leaned over to pick it up. The screen brightened and numerous unread messages and missed calls from his husband flooded the lockscreen. He turned the phone over and felt his breath hitch at the polaroid photo on the back cover. He hated the way Hyukjae's smile still caused his heart to skip a beat, but it was inevitable. He still loved him. Maybe even enough to forgive him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I can't leave him."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ryeowook rubbed his back. "If you want to stay, then stay. If you think you can't anymore, you know we'll be there for you, no questions asked. But you have to start loving yourself, as much as you love him, alright?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Leeteuk and Heechul nodded in agreement. He felt his heart swell at their kindness. But his mind was set. He was going back home to overcome this obstacle and make their marriage work.</span>
</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Where were you?!"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Concern was painted on Hyukjae's face as he held his shoulders when he walked through the front door. Donghae had stayed at Leeteuk's house until dusk, then showered and freshened up before driving back home so he wouldn't alarm his husband any more than he already had. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I'm sorry, I visited Leeteuk and lost track of time." It wasn't exactly a lie.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hyukjae placed a hand on his cheek. "But I saw the food and jacket at the studio last night. Was that from you?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Oh, uh… yes. I stopped by to drop them off before going to Leeteuk. I didn't want you to be hungry."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"You're too kind, baby," Hyukjae's compliment was like liquid gold to his ears. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His husband pulled him into a hug, and he rested his tired head on his shoulder as they held each other. Hyukjae placed his lips on his temple, then his cheeks, and down to his neck. He felt his body heat up as his lover's kisses turned to licks and bites. He sucked a big hickey on the dip of his neck that he knew would be difficult to cover up. A pair of hands on his hips guided him closer to his body so they were flushed against each other. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Hyukkie," Donghae whispered as he felt the familiar pressure on his thigh.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I missed you so much, darling."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He looked up at Hyukjae's almond-shaped eyes. "I need you."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Anything you want, baby. I'm here."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The couple moved to the master bedroom. They fall into bed, arms touching everywhere as they help each other strip down to nothing at all. Hyukjae's skillful hands prepped him easily, and before he knew it he's being stretched open by his husband's cock slowly. It had been a while, both men so busy with work and other priorities to make some time alone. The pain pricked tears in Donghae's eyes that Hyukjae kissed away. When he was buried fully in, Donghae opened his eyes to look up at the other's face.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They were 28-years-old, but Hyukjae still looked the exact same as he did when they first met. Donghae doesn't think he could ever find anyone else more gorgeous than the man who he was tied together with in holy matrimony. The brown eyes still had the same charm, his nose still sculpted by the gods, and those lips still so plump and irresistible. Hyukjae's thrusts got quicker and sharper, and he bent down to kiss Donghae's moans away. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But the second their lips touched, the excitement he usually felt switched to a sickening one. Something rotten festered in Donghae's stomach as they kissed. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He felt disgusted. He knew exactly why. Those lips weren't just his anymore. No, they were also for that stranger in the dance studio, with black hair and small fingers weaved in his husband's blonde hair. The one who wore the same cologne on his coat, the one who made the hickey on Hyukjae's tattooed neck, the reason Hyukjae no longer came home to his arms.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It angered him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He had given Hyukjae his everything for the past 5 years of his life. His blood, sweat, and tears. His body and his soul. They had vowed to love and cherish each other when they got married, and Donghae did that and more. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And this was how Hyukjae repaid him. Ran off to the next pretty thing when he got bored of their marriage.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Donghae shoved the man off and out of him. Hyukjae was about to protest but it was cut short as he got pushed onto the mattress. Donghae straddled his waist and lined up the condom wrapped cock with his hole before slamming down on it. Hyukjae moaned loudly as Donghae took what he wanted.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"H-hae, fuck," he groaned as his husband rode his dick roughly. The slapping of his ass meeting the skin of his thighs was obscene. Donghae supported himself by placing his hands behind him. His cock bounced against his belly as he picked up speed.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It hurt. His knees were killing him and the rim of his hole dragged painfully against the rubber at every thrust, but the ache felt gratifying. He opened his eyes and stared at the scene beneath him. Hyukjae stretched out on their bed, body covered in sweat, head thrown back against the pillow, and the tattoo on the pale expanse of his neck for show. He hated himself for knowing he would miss this view.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It didn't take long for both men to reach their orgasms. Hyukjae screamed as he came into the condom, Donghae milking as much as he could out of his spent cock. He in turn spilled all over their torso, then pulled himself off and laid down beside his panting husband, face looking away at the wall beside their bed.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He felt Hyukjae get off to discard the soiled condom and clean himself off. He got back onto the bed and pulled Donghae closer to spoon him. The younger's fingers caressed the arms wrapped around him tenderly, Hyukjae's broad chest on his back. His husband yawned.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I love you, baby," Hyukjae muttered sleepily.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Donghae didn't need to see him to know he was lying. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>In the early morning, before the sun even rose over the horizon, Donghae peeled himself away from his lover's embrace and got off the bed. He moved around the luxurious condominium quietly as he packed as many of his personal clothes and belongings as he could fit in his suitcase. Then he hopped into the guest shower furthest away from the master bedroom to rinse last night's evidence away, his tears blending with the running water as he cried silently. Dawn peaked through the big living room curtains when he left the bathroom. He walked closer to the windows and pulled open the curtains to let the light in. The calm surface of the Han River glimmered under the morning sun. Outside, the world kept moving, chugging along even though he himself felt an overwhelming sense of stillness inside.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Hae?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hyukjae stood at the entrance of the living room in a pair of sweatpants riding low on his waist. "Why are you awake so early?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Donghae looked at him and felt 23 again, sitting on that vinyl couch in Gulliver with a bottle of soju in his hand and his drunk friends laughing around him. The man whom he would call his boyfriend a month later, then his fiance two years after, and finally his husband, stood only a few meters away, but he no longer recognized him. His heart was calm and his eyes were dry as he took a deep breath.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I'm leaving."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hyukjae's eyes widened and he sputtered. "What?! What are you talking about, baby--"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I can't pretend anymore, Hyukjae." He met his husband's gaze. "I know what happened two nights ago."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hyukjae froze at his confession. For some reason, it felt rejuvenating to see him like this. During their entire relationship, it was Hyukjae who had the control, and Donghae wrapped around his finger with his assertive dominance. But now it's the younger man who's holding the reins.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I tore myself into bite-sized pieces to please you. You hurt me, you left bruises on me physically and mentally, you made me so fucking miserable, and I </span>
  <em>
    <span>still</span>
  </em>
  <span> loved you," Donghae's steady voice was soft but it laid heavy in the air between them. "I see you and the only thing I want is to give you my best because that's what you do to people you love. I listened to every word you say, I cooked for you every day, I stayed up so late until I'm delirious at work the next day just so I could greet you when you come home from work after you've spent all </span>
  <em>
    <span>fucking</span>
  </em>
  <span> night making out with your colleague!" </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He was borderline shouting at the end of his rant. Hyukjae took a step closer and he put a hand up to stop him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I don't want to hear any bullshit excuses. This is over."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Donghae grabbed his suitcase on the sofa and made his way to the front door. His husband grabbed his wrist as he passed him, but he shrugged it off forcefully.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Hae, please, we can start over," Hyukjae begged him as he wore his sneakers in a rush. "I’ll do anything, I can fix this and everything can be perfect again. Just please don’t leave me.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The doorknob was cold in his hand as he hesitated. Donghae looked over his shoulder at the man with the neck tattoo he loved so much. He gritted his teeth as his heart betrayed his mind and squeezed painfully at the sight of his distraught husband.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"You sound just like the person I used to love, but you’re not him anymore, are you."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It wasn't a question. The door opened and closed with a soft click behind him as he left their home for the last time.</span>
</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <span>Donghae originally planned to head back to his family house at Mokpo, but at Heechul's persistence, he moved in with the older man so as to not take any more unnecessary leave days at his job. The school was understanding as he explained he would be taking a week off to deal with his marriage situation and care for his mental health. At Heechul's apartment, he spent the entirety of the first day in the guest bedroom staring at the ceiling. On Monday, the second day, Leeteuk visited the house and helped Heechul force a meal in him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"You haven't eaten a full meal since Saturday," Leeteuk had said as Heechul spoon-fed their heartbroken friend some rice. He finally ate after they called Donghwa for reinforcements. His brother stayed by his side for all of day two, making sure he ate and drank enough water to make up for all the tears he shed.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>By day three, he was strong enough to stand on his own two feet. Ryeowook came by and passed him a business card. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"He's my friend, we work at the same office building. I heard he's one of the best lawyers in town," the younger man had informed him as he read the name on the card.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Lee Sungmin<br/>
</b>
  <span>Family Law Attorney<br/>
</span>
  <span>+82 06 1105 1315</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>On the fourth day, Donghae met with Mr. Sungmin at his office to finalize the complaint form that needed to be sent to court and Hyukjae. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>By the end of the week, Donghae had cut all contact with his husband. He went back to work and the hugs and get well soon cards the kids gave him soothed his torn soul. They spent his first day back with a small class party. They ordered pizza, drank lots of soda, played games and Donghae regretted the fizzy drinks a little when almost all the 4-years-old would no longer sit in their chairs, and instead chose to run around in the playground outside the classroom. Karina came up to him as he was placing dirty plates in the outdoor sink to ask a question. She tugged the hem of his yellow sweater.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Teacher Lee?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Yes, sweetie?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Where did your pretty rings go?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Donghae looked down at his left hand. It was weird to not feel the two diamond bands on his finger after five years straight of wearing them. The little girl held her hands behind her back as she waited for her teacher's response.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I didn't like them anymore, Karina."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She smiled widely and moved her hands forward to show him what she was holding. A paper ring with a blue iris flower drawing made from crayon on the center sat on the palm of her tiny hand. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I made a new one for you. I hope you like this one, Teacher Lee."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Donghae picked up the ring and held it delicately. He slipped it on his ring finger and smiled. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I love it. Thank you, Karina."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Her joy was contagious. Another girl's voice called out for her from across the room, and Karina bounced over to Ningning leaving the man alone by the sink. He looked down at the paper ring. A sense of peace washed over him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>As the warm breeze ruffled his hair and the sun shone brightly in the endless azure above, he felt like he could breathe easily for the first time in a long while.</span>
</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <span>"... with the wrong people sometimes."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sungmin watches Donghae lean over and grab the pen. He fills up his details on the empty spaces and signs his name at the bottom line with a sense of finality. The tears are gone as he looks at him to pass the final decree of divorce. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Thank you for all your services, Mr. Sungmin," Donghae says.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He stands up and bows politely. The man follows suit and offers his hand for a handshake that he accepts. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Just doing my job, Mr. Donghae. I wish you a wonderful life starting today."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Donghae glances at the iris flower on the desk. The way it sways in the air as if it's saying goodbye to the heartbroken man. Sungmin notices Donghae's attention occupied by the unassuming plant. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Hope."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Donghae looks at the other. "Excuse me?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He walks to the door, Donghae following close behind. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"In the language of flowers, blue irises symbolise hope and faith," he turns the handle and opens the door for his client. "In my line of work, you can never have enough of them."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He exits the lawyer's office with his words echoing in his mind. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hope. It was something Donghae had lost in this journey of his. All the paperwork, the fights, moving out of their apartment: it has sucked every glimmer of hope he had in love. Hyukjae was supposed to be the one. They were supposed to adopt kids, grow old and retire together, grandchildren running around their feet as they sat on their rocking chairs. He dreamt he'd be sharing those moments with no one else but his husband in mind. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Ex-husband</span>
  </em>
  <span>, he reminds himself when he feels the absence on his ring finger. It's still hard to get used to saying. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Something vibrates in his coat pocket. He takes his phone out and sees the notification bubble on the lockscreen. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>1 message from<br/>
</b>
  <b>heenim</b>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>'Hey. Heard you're finalizing the divorce papers today. Are you okay?'</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Donghae turns over his phone. He sighs a little at Hyukjae's smile in the photo. He still remembers the feel of his skin on his lips when he kissed his shoulder. He takes out the polaroid photo from underneath the clear phone cover. His thumb caresses his ex-lover's face as tears cloud his vision. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Hope</span>
  </em>
  <span>. He remembers. </span>
  <em>
    <span>You can never have enough of them. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Donghae shoves his phone back in his coat and tears the polaroid photo apart. He discards the pieces into the waste bin outside of the office before making his way out of the building to his car. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hyukjae was truly the love of his life. Years ago, he would've done anything and everything for him. It took five years for Donghae to realize that wasn't what love should be. He was blindsided, addicted, and a fool. And now, after the papers are signed and the divorce through, Donghae felt a huge weight finally lift off his shoulders. He pulled his yellow coat sleeve up and looked at the healed skin of his arm, a genuine smile on his lips.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>On the other side of town in his busy salon, Heechul hears his phone's message incoming jingle alert him. He excuses himself from the apprentice stylist he was mentoring and wipes his hands on a rag before picking the phone up. His smile is melancholic as he reads his beloved friend's text reply.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>1 message from <br/>
</b>
  <b>0hae</b>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>'I will be.'</span>
  </em>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>fin.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>i'll start off by saying i'm sorry LMAO i wrote this on my period while crying over ashe's moral of the story ep album (if you haven't listened yet, please do!). i swear to god this was supposed to be a 2k word drabble but i couldn't stop writing and it exploded to this 10k monstrosity. i hope you guys enjoyed reading it!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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